Our eldest, we have been seeing lots of people. Lets start with the beginning I have been trying to get this kid help for over year now because his issues are way beyond my expertise and the Internet search expertise. Let me describe this kid, first all the positive, he is very polite, uses his manners, he speaks very well and can talk the talk to anyone. He is very athletic and good looking kid, sounds like a great kid. So you ask what is the problem???? Why does he need help??? Life is very hard for this kid, he doesn't know personal boundaries, the kid loves to be in people's face, and you ask him why are you in some one's face???? And his response is I want to play with them... uhhh why didn't you ask??? He doesn't know how to play with toys, his definition is of playing with toys is walking around with the toy object in his hand, not making a sound just walking around with it. My other kiddos know how to play with toys and he will come and take their toy away from them because he sees that they are having fun and laughing and after he had the toy for less then a minute, he drops the toy because he isn't having the same type of "fun" as they are. He has NO imagination. He can't be alone, or not say something. He will ask you the most retarded question you will ever hear in your life, things he already knows but its the first thing he has come up with because I haven't said or done anything in 5minutes with him. For example the questions he will ask you, it can be the clothes he is wearing or someone else wearing but he has asked "am I wearing a shirt?" or we'll be in the car and he will say "are we in the car mom?" and you look at him and wonder are you really asking those questions???? His behavior is of a 2 to 3 year old, he will throw some major tantrums if things don't go his way. Like everyone else in this life, we all want to do what we want to do and have no one tell us what to do, I know I do but that is not how life works. He has a hard time with authority he will fight you for what he wants to do, he wants what he wants no matter the cost. The next thing, I know the cause, but the kid will not defend himself, if someone is hitting him he will not fight back or block the hit or even run away. And that was from his background of abuse. But that is the thing I fear for him as he is starting his journey with school. We had an incident earlier this year with his biological brother from one of his visit, the brother has a list of problems but his brother with hitting my kid in private parts and nobody saw and my kid didn't do anything about it to stop him. It's hard to understand why he will follow anyone even if they are doing bad things or doing bad things to him but he wants to be accepted. The other major thing that he does is he is very manipulative. This kid knows how to say to do the right things to get what he wants. It's not even for objects most of the times it can be as simple as a hug or even to pay attention to me. You would think we didn't pay attention to this kid or give him the attention he needs. But what he is doing is making sure people are on his side and that they wont hurt him. There are lists of other things but those are my major issues that I'm trying to get help for him. We had our first meeting with some "expert" and I told everything and after her report she said she thinks he has Aspergers. I laughed and then we saw psychiatrist and she said oh no he doesn't have Aspergers he has ADHD. And she wanted to start him on medicine right away. Oh I shut that down right away! And we have seen about 4 other different "experts" and some look at me and say there is nothing wrong with your child, and some have said oh will get back to you. In a nut shall, I'm getting NO HELP! Like I said I'm not against medicine but you can not make that your first choice for things, medicine does help people but it doesn't help EVERYONE. Let's just say I'm having to be very creative over here.
The baby, his case is a MESS! This kid is one years old, and he has the most visits! This is his typical week for him, On Monday he has a visit with his bio dad, Wednesday he has a visit with his bio mom and later that afternoon he has a visit with the dad's cousin and on Thursday he has another visit the bio dad. Each visit is 2 hours, and with drive that comes out to about 4 hours for each visit that he is gone out of the home. Who is this kid suppose to attach himself to???? Let me tell you it is the hardest for me to watch him go to each visit because I give him to the person that is picking him up and he cry's and looks at me like uhhh I want to stay, why are you giving me away???? There has been lots of tears going on in this house lol. After each visit I have to hold him for about a hour I try to put him down but he wont let me. And after a hour he wants to get down and play with the other kids. I have spoken and emailed so many people about this situation but in the end, it's all about the family's "rights" it doesn't matter what is happening to these kids we need to make sure the family's needs are met. The baby's half sister that lives with us she is being effected by all these visit's because she sees her brother very upset and she is a very emotional child in return she is upset and she starts yelling things like "hey give back my brother" "leave my brother alone" but like I said it doesn't matter if the child is having issue, it's about the parents and their rights.
I know what you are thinking, uhhh what is wrong with the mental health system and the foster care system?!?!? EVERYTHING! Life is weird the path it takes you on, and you wonder is this really worth it? You have to say to yourself it is, someone has to fight for these kids because the state isn't and even though I may not have a voice in things and I'm just a hotel for these kids until some parent can decide they what to be a "real" parent again to their kid you have to fight. By any means I'm not a good person more like I'm a nut job! But I am just a Mom who wants to have a family and this is the way we have to get our family.
PS sorry if I sounded like a Debbie downer, but this is life as a foster mom
Nut job dragon mama, sounds like you're on the right path! I'm crying as I think about them taking your one year old away from you, I feel like God must weep at the plight of so many foster children, and so many in worse situations at home than yours (you are an example of the best case scenario). It's so aggravating, I wish there was a way to protect and advocate for the kids, if you think of one, let me know and I'll do it with you. Hang in there mama, you are one amazing nut job!
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