Foster/Adoption: Counting our blessing

On October 23, 2014 Tom and I were blessed to adopt our little Jack Ronald Drury! I had a lot of mix emotions going on that day, excitement, nervousness, relieved, thankful and well as most of you know the feeling with having ANY amount of kids in the home TIRED. That week prior to the court date I had some friends tag me in post that someone posted a picture of their child who was also in foster care and was adopted. It was a collage, and the kid was holding a sign in the 4 picture collage, and it basically said how many days he was in foster care. I showed my husband the picture and he said how many days has Jack been in foster care??? We figure out and it was 404 days he was in the system. And yes we have been blessed to have him from the beginning, but during the 404 days it was scary. I was always nervous and scared each day when I would wake up to think, is today is the day I get a call from CPS, saying that the mother wants him back and is willing to work for it. I can't thank my heavenly father enough that he has blessed us with such a wonderful, healthy, crazy little guy. And that he blessed us to have him from birth. As we were at the court waiting to be called in, I was reflecting the day I picked him up from the hospital. It's definantly not the same feeling as someone who has preparing for 9 months for THEIR baby. The exhaustion they feel but joy at the same time of bringing such a little miracle into this world. Mine is a phone call I receive telling me that a child is not safe with their birth family. And your heart breaks a little more because a child was brought into this world and they have to be removed from their birth family because  they are not safe. Most of you have your spouse with you sharing that moment of a new baby, your FISRT baby. It was funny because I went to the hospital with my other foster child who was 2 by myself, Tom was at work. I was in and out of the hospital in 15min with a baby. The time you are in the hospital or at home wherever you have your child, it's something that wont be experienced. When you picked up a child at any age it feels so negative because it is coming from something so negative but I have to remind myself as negative as the vibes are that this child is giving you a different experience and that experience is love and forgiveness.
The judge finally calls us in! We are in and out of the court room in 5 mins! As we are walking out, you are  thinking, that's it???? I guess he's ours! In your mind, I think you just imagine something else, you have been waiting for so long. But I think Tom and I have always feel that he has ALWAYS been ours and now he is legally ours.
Life goes on, we still have the 3 other kiddos, life is still crazy busy. The 4 year old has been the most challenging one for me. As a parent you expect your kids to do certain things that you don't agree with but how else will they learn if they don't rebel a little. I was not expecting my 4 year old to hit his preschool teacher twice in the FACE. And every other day they tell you they don't love you and they don't want to live with you and they try to hit you. Yes I know that all kids say those things to their parents from time to time. But when a foster child says it, they mean it because they want their biological family back and who can blame them. Everyday I just have to pray that heavenly father gives me the love strength, understanding and knowledge for him.
The 2 year old little girl, well who doesn't love a little girl. She is a sweetheart, we are hoping that she will be severed soon from her family come April. All we can do is wait. There is a different from having a baby in the home since birth then receiving an older child. A newborn they only know you, so attachment just comes naturally, but an older it's a new day everyday, you start all over trying to attach and connect yourself to them. And sometime you have to back track a little in age appropriate things for the child, you have hold them like a baby because they didn't get that from their parents. I have to make sure each of the kids feel and know what attachment is so they can know how to be a healthy human being. And that means I neglect myself A LOT, I tell my husband sorry all the time for the way I look, good thing he comes home when it's dark hahahaha. (side note Tom loves and cares for me no matter what I look like.)
The 4 months old, he is a little happy guy as long as he has food and I keep him away from jack! (Jack is a jealous little boy)
This past 4 months has been one of the hardest times of my life, having 4 kids under the age of 4 is A LOT work. And we knew that when taking the 4th one but we prayed about it and knew it was what we were suppose to do. All I can do is my best, and start each day with a prayer.
I can't thank everyone enough for their love and support you give me, in person, FB and text. I learn so much through other all the time how to be a good mom. I especially can't thank enough for my family for their love and support. Those  momments where I have those break throughs, those are the reason I keep on doing what I do.
PS I claim not to be a writer, and I know my English sucks. I'm writing down my thoughts to read later.

Foster/Adoption Update - Love and Understanding

I feel like I say this a lot but YES it has been a while, time flies when you don't have a lot of free time on your hands. As most of you notice we added another little guy to our home. It was funny because about 6 months ago, I was talking to Tom and I was saying I feel like its time to add another kiddo to our home. I feel like we are missing someone, which means, we had to get our license amended to have 3 kids in our home and sure enough we got a phone call, and we got our little girl. What I didn't know is we were missing another little blessing in our home. It always amazes me how Heavenly Father knows what is best for us, don't get me wrong I know it and say it, but when stuff like this happens it's always an Testimony. After about a month of having the little girl, they tell us the Mom is pregnant and due in July, would you be interested in taking in the brother???? To back up a little around December, Tom and I were talking one night, and we were discussing how I don't think I could do another new born. The reason was, as most of you know newborns are A LOT OF WORK. And I felt like if we ever took in another newborn it would extremely hard to see them go back to their bio family, after we did all the hard work for this family. Some might say but all the kids would be hard to see go back to their families. Which is true but, you do put in more time and energy into a newborn, plus you have them from the beginning! All those sleepless nights of bonding and connecting with a baby, to find out in the end they are going back. It would just be heart breaking. I didn't know I had these thoughts or feelings until we took in our first newborn, and I couldn't imagine ever giving him back. To even think of taking in another newborn, the little girl's brother, I didn't know I could do it. But it's crazy once again Heavenly Father knows me better then I do, it just felt right to take him in. Was I scared, YES! Did I think Tom and I were crazy to take on a 4th child??? YES!!!! As most of you know, when you know something is right and you feel good about it, and God is telling you DO IT! You just do it, and just pray EVERYDAY for strength. Here we are with 4 kids, a 4 year old, 2 year old, 10 month old and a newborn. This last year has been a wild ride for us, we went from 0 to 4 kids in a year. Will we get to adopt the 4 year old, still unknown, the 2 year old and newborn both wild cards. The 10 month old we are waiting for a court date to adopt him, which we couldn't be more excited!
Lets talk about the 4 year old, he really is a sweet little guy who just wants to be loved and accepted.  Tom and I have had to rely heavily  on Heavenly Father with this kid. He came in our home as a wild child, he grew up with no structure, boundaries, attention, attachment and the wrong kind of love in his short period of life. To top it off he is developmentally delay, as most foster kids are. Everyday it is a struggle, he has no imagination, when you hand him a toy as simple as a car, he looks at you, like "what am I suppose to do with it???" We try to set up an environment of creativity but he can't take the next step of doing it himself. Other issues we have he is very impulsive, for example we will be sitting on the floor playing and out of no where he will spit or hits you. Other issues we have is jealousy, lots and lots of attitude I would describe his attitude as very similar to a teenager. The list could go on. But I feel bad talking ill of this little guy. It wasn't his fault. So everyday we start all over, trying to figure out what will help him, and everyday I start my day off with a prayer asking God to give me lots and lots and LOTS of patience. I look forward to the times that I know I got to him and he the sweet little 4 year old I know he is.
Everyday its a new day for us, we have lots of appointments, people coming in and out of home checking on the kids and tons of paper work. Don't get me wrong there are some days I ask myself is this really worth it. But I know it is, and I am grateful for this adventure Tom and I are on. I never thought this would be the way I would go about having kids, I don't get depress or upset when I hear that someone is pregnant, I'm happy that a child is going to a loving and good home.  I do get sad at times when I have "down time" is all the little details of being pregnant, the sonogram, the planning, the excitement of someone that you created you know those little details. There are things I don't know why or the reasoning but it is not my purpose to figure out why or to get depress or sad about, God has blessed me to care for one of his special children for any length  of time, we may keep some and we may lose some. And in the end all I can do is my best.

Foster/Adoption: A New Addition

Our house is a little crazy these days! We have added a new little one to our house, and it's a little girl! We are now dealing with 3 kids under the age of 4! It's strange to think that last July we started taking in kids to our home, and we went from 1 kid to 3. I guess Tom and I really don't like to do  normal way of "raising" children. That's ok, I really enjoy chaos in our lives, it keeps things interesting and the fun in my life.
Technically we have had 4 kids in our home but not all at the same time, the first little boy went back to his mom. But back to our little girl, the beginning of February, I got a phone call from my agency stating that we have a little girl that is up for adoption, would you be interested??? They explained all the information and details they have on her. Of course I said yes! we would take her. To explain how this works, they have a data base and before you start, you build a profile and base on your profile when a child is up for adoption a data base picks about 4-6 families and your adoption specialist now tries to sales you to the state saying why you are the best family for this child and the state decides which family they are moving forward with. Turns out we didn't get picked. When we found out we didn't get picked, we were ok with it, I wasn't sad or disappointed. I understood that going this route is a gamble and you don't always "win". Around the middle of March I get another phone call, its the adoption specialist saying that the other family that was picked decided not to go through with taking the little girl, are you still interested in taking her? Of course I said YES! We met with our adoption specialist and some state people to go over more details of the child to see if we are still interested in her. Well I can't give you any details of what happen to the child but I will say she was shaken, which ended up with lots of head injuries. This is the part that is scary when doing the foster system, you end up with children who have "baggage". We also found out that she hasn't been severed from her mom yet or is even close to that point. But they really believe that she will be. That is the other scary part, there is no guarantee with the system, I never believe what they say. So you ask, why take her??? Well first off both my husband and I felt really good about her and that she needed to be with us. Second, without totally bashing the other foster family, (who make me very upset, to think about!) she wasn't in a good home. Both my husband and I felt that whether we adopt her or not, we felt she needed to be in an environment where she can learn and grow to her full potential. We said yes and lets start this transition visit so she can be in our home. Well a week before Easter she in now in our home for good, well good meaning as she isn't going anywhere unless she goes back to her mom. Tom and I have been very pleased with our choice, we are not afraid of any after effects of her injuries, she is a smart, beautiful, chunky and feisty little girl and we couldn't be happier with her our choice.
Now our four year old, I could write forever on him but I will spare you. I love him with all my heart but he is defiantly testing any of my "skills" I have as parent. He has started his visit with his dad, and to tell you I HATE VISIT WITH BIO FAMILIES!!! It confuses the kids, "hey come see your parent for 2 hour and then get TAKEN away again" everything I have worked for to make him a typical four year old, now what he was when he first came into our home has now come back. He is back to cussing, defiant, angry, not sleeping at night. I can't stress to all parent how important the first 5 years of a child life is. The children I see, and the lack of parenting a parent should be to these kids all for their selfish reasoning. As you are reading this, I hope you are not taking this as I'm bragging that I'm some perfect parent, because by all means I am FAR from it, I lack soooooo many qualities and skills but I do know I try my best everyday.
Now for my 7 month old, he is my sunshine! I love him with all my heart he is the happiest baby ever! From all his drug expose in the womb he has turn out more perfect then I could imagine. We are still hoping that we get to adopt him and it still looks promising BUT the stupid state still has to try to find the bio mom! She gave birth to the kid and walked out that day saying I don't want this kid! Never to be seen or heard again. But they still have to give her a chance. It's such a long process, but I know everyday I wait it will be worth it. (I keep telling myself that to make me feel better)
It is really weird to stop and think when I get a chance to be raising a child not from birth, and to think they have more a past then any of us could imagine. I have more hard days then good days but I know both my husband and I are where we are suppose to be in our life. We are very happy too in our lives, happy to have come from wonderful parents, to have been raised in the gospel and to know who we are and where we come from. And that some day that all this bad in this world will be taken care of through our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I know that Heavenly Father watches out for me and Tom because he knows we need all the help we can get.
Thanks for stopping by!
PS Sorry for my bad grammar or if things don't make sense. I'm trying to write as fast as I can with my kiddos on my lap.

Foster/adoption update

As always it has been awhile, life gets really busy around here as I would assume most house hold usually do. Things have been good around here, we have our good days and well sad to say we have more bad days then good but it is what it is. I thought I would share some things that go on around the Drury home. As all of you know we took in another child back in December, and of course it was a boy, I swear we only get phone calls for boys. Well our little guy had tough first month in our home and when I say tough it was tough for him and Tom and I. For the first month he was having night terrors, he was waking up every 2 to 3 hours screaming and crying. The best way to describe, imagine your child had a night mare, they usually come into your room crying a little to tell you that they are scared or they had a dream that really scared them. Well our little guy would wake up, come into our room screaming and crying about nothing and it would take another 30 to 40 minutes to get him back to sleep. Needless to say the month of December I looked and acted like a zombie, it wasn't pretty. It was hard, because I can't imagine in a little 4 year old mind thinking, taken from his home and put in with complete strangers, taken to what you and I know would not be a good situation but to him the only thing he knows which sounds ok and normal. Lets just say there is a lot of praying going on in this house EVERYDAY! I'm feel like I'm this brand new mom still, I have been a mom for 7 months now, I have had 3 kids a 2 year old, a new born and a 4 year old, non of which I have raised from the beginning. As you can imagine, we have to be quick in this house, we have to figure things out fast with each kiddo, there really is no time for error in this house. But don't get me wrong we make A LOT of errors. Now that we have past the night terrors, from January to now we are into figuring out which is good attention and which is bad attention to receive. He does really good and then all of sudden he has to do something that is against the rules which he knows because he looks at you while he is doing it. There is a lot of defiant that goes on. Some name callings, telling me I don't love you as my mommy, I hate this house, I want to go to my other house stuff like that. All I can do is love him and hope to redirect him to do what is right. I love him so much and it breaks my heart that he had to go through what he had to at this young of age, but by the end of day I'm exhausted, my level of patience is out the door.  There are a lot of other behavior issues that we are dealing with, and sometimes I feel like I'm not fully qualified to do this job, to be a foster mom. I'm doing a lot of reading these days, to figure out how to best help this little guy. He is a really smart little boy but has the behavior of a 2 year old because he didn't get the care he need to develop.  Our big decision we are having to make right now is whether to take in his brother. For some strange reason he was separated from his 6 year brother and they have no answer for me why. The brother has a lot more issue, he was abuse more and has been living in group homes since the same day my little guy was removed back in December. I'm scared, I don't know if I'm ready for a school age child or ready for a more problem of child. But the other part of me says yes! We can do it, my little guy needs to be reunited with his brother and he shouldn't be in a group home. So some big decision are being made right now, which I will keep you updated.
Our little new born, we had court on the 14th of February and things are looking good for us to adopt him, it's a long process and they have to give these bio parents a chance to come clean and want the child. And so far the parents have been MIA which is good for us because that means they will file for abandonment and will get to adopt him! So our next court date is March 27th and hopefully we will hear some good news!
Someone asked me the other day if I loved being a mom, and I can honestly say I really do! I wouldn't change all the boogers, poopy diapers, the exhaustion, wiping bottoms and all the other things that we do as a mom for anything in the world. I did my time as a working women with good jobs for over 10 years, and now I get to do the best job ever, being a mom and I get to be a mom to kids who really need a mother figure in their life. I know I'm not the best but I know I try and I know that all I can ask of myself.
I hope I didn't sound too negative in this blog post, I just want everyone to know what life is like as a foster parent, because honestly I didn't before I started. Thanks for reading!

Fostering - Recap of 2013

I know it’s the 5th of this month but I wanted to recap on what happen for the Drury family in 2013. A lot! It was all good things, Tom and I have been trying for many years now to have children and nothing was happening and we went to doctors and they wanted us to take shots/pills and whatever else you can imagine to help us get pregnant. Taking that stuff, COST LOTS OF MONEY and plus there is no guarantee, not that there is guarantees in life anyways, but we both felt like we would be pouring lots money for something that might not be attainable or even possible. One might think you should try every possible way to have your own child, even if that means making some sacrifice of going into debt to make that possible. And trust when I say this Tom and I have had LOTS and LOTS of conversation and we have prayed nonstop to make sure we made the correct decision for OUR family. And we decided to go the route of not having our own biological children. It was weird decision to make, but we both felt really good about it, and we felt no regrets about it. And as the saying goes as one door closes another opens. So what did that mean for our family, how are we going to grow our family, both of us wanted children. We both talked a lot about adopting because we knew that would be the route we would end up doing. Both of us have heard of fostering but we thought that would late down the road, but we thought we should have some kids of our own first before we open our home to kids that probably wouldn’t stay with us forever. As most of you know, that changed very quickly, and our home is open for fostering some amazing kiddos in hopes that some of them will end up stay with us forever.

It was exciting times; I finally got to quit my job to become a full time MOM! I was always scared, I wasn’t going to like staying at home with kids because I have been working for a long time now and I was use to working. Tom and I know how important it is for a parent to be home with a child, and if we are going to foster some kiddos they will need some extra love and attention. I have not once missed working outside of the home, being a Mom is the best job EVER. We got our first foster kiddo towards the end of July, he was almost 2 years old and we were in love the moment we met him. We got our next foster kiddo in September, a brand new baby! And once again, we were in love! So our family went from a family of two to a family of 4 in less than two months! Tom and I were having so much fun, we were tired but at the same time we loved being parents to these precious little ones. Now don’t get me wrong it isn’t all good times, being foster parents comes with lots of challenges, dealing with the kids Biological parents, the state and your agency. Everyone is in your life, and you have LOTS of rules. You have to ask for permission to do anything and everything that has to deal with the child. Even though the child in our home isn’t really ours, we have to try to make sure they feel like they are ours. As most of you know kids aren’t stupid, they know and feel when things are out of whack. Let’s just say I have lots of gray hair and some major bags under my eyes from being a foster mom.

We experience our first lost in our home. Our first foster kiddo, the two year went back to his momma. It was a bitter sweet moment. I loved him so much, he was our first child and I knew he wasn’t ours but I like to think he was ours for the four months we had him. At the same time we both knew he belonged to his biological mother and we both had peace about him returning to her and that he would be safe. I was crying like a baby even though I was happy about the situation. It really hard to explain, what we feeling that day, it’s an empty feeling knowing that we will never see him again. But we are so grateful for Heavenly Father sending him to us, making him our first kid in our life.

This brings us to the end of the year, after we lost our first kid, we waited until we got back from Utah to accept another child in our home, and we spent thanksgiving with Tom’s family and had a wonderful time. I wish we could live closer to them. We got our third child, another boy! I’m pretty sure our family will be an all boy family. This one is three soon to be 4 in a couple of months. He is full of energy and lots of colorful language. But we love him so much and couldn’t be happier with our placement.

There are lots of things Tom and I have learned about us as individuals and as a couple being parents. I hope nobody takes this next statement the wrong way but its how Tom and I feel we are not trying to be cocky, I’m just sharing. When we became parents we weren’t nervous about caring for another human being, messing up, basically failing as a parent, our motto basically is we can’t be as bad as what these kids came from. Let me just tell you, it takes every pressure off our back, I’m not trying to be a perfect parent nor do I want too. I love learning as I go. And trust me, I have had to pick up on things FAST, starting off with a two year old and less than two months later having a newborn in the home too! The most important thing I have learned this year is compassion. I use to feel strongly that I would HATE the parents for putting these kids in the situation they are in, for being selfish and caring for their needs. Now don’t think I’m happy that a person would sexually, physically or emotionally abuse a child because it makes me sick to my stomach that someone could do such a thing to someone who is pure and innocent as a child. I don’t know this person, I don’t know their background I know NOTHING about them. Not that it makes it right for them to do what they did, but everyone has a story. And if I have hatred in my heart then I can’t help the child that’s in my home and I can’t improve as a person with so much negativity in my heart. And if these parents didn’t do what they did, I would never be so bless to have these beautiful kiddos in my home. It’s a weird thought to think. But I will say this, I HATE the foster care system, it makes me mad! Will save that conversation for another post. I just read this quoted recently that I love, Mother Teresa said, "I want to be a pencil in his hand." I know that God has a plan for me and it may not be how I thought would turn out, but I’m glad it has turn out so far. In Summary 2013 has been a confusing and emotional and happy time for the Drury family. I hope 2014 will be just as amazing. We look forward to our many new adventures and all our future kiddos to come bless Tom and I.