Foster/Adoption: Counting our blessing

On October 23, 2014 Tom and I were blessed to adopt our little Jack Ronald Drury! I had a lot of mix emotions going on that day, excitement, nervousness, relieved, thankful and well as most of you know the feeling with having ANY amount of kids in the home TIRED. That week prior to the court date I had some friends tag me in post that someone posted a picture of their child who was also in foster care and was adopted. It was a collage, and the kid was holding a sign in the 4 picture collage, and it basically said how many days he was in foster care. I showed my husband the picture and he said how many days has Jack been in foster care??? We figure out and it was 404 days he was in the system. And yes we have been blessed to have him from the beginning, but during the 404 days it was scary. I was always nervous and scared each day when I would wake up to think, is today is the day I get a call from CPS, saying that the mother wants him back and is willing to work for it. I can't thank my heavenly father enough that he has blessed us with such a wonderful, healthy, crazy little guy. And that he blessed us to have him from birth. As we were at the court waiting to be called in, I was reflecting the day I picked him up from the hospital. It's definantly not the same feeling as someone who has preparing for 9 months for THEIR baby. The exhaustion they feel but joy at the same time of bringing such a little miracle into this world. Mine is a phone call I receive telling me that a child is not safe with their birth family. And your heart breaks a little more because a child was brought into this world and they have to be removed from their birth family because  they are not safe. Most of you have your spouse with you sharing that moment of a new baby, your FISRT baby. It was funny because I went to the hospital with my other foster child who was 2 by myself, Tom was at work. I was in and out of the hospital in 15min with a baby. The time you are in the hospital or at home wherever you have your child, it's something that wont be experienced. When you picked up a child at any age it feels so negative because it is coming from something so negative but I have to remind myself as negative as the vibes are that this child is giving you a different experience and that experience is love and forgiveness.
The judge finally calls us in! We are in and out of the court room in 5 mins! As we are walking out, you are  thinking, that's it???? I guess he's ours! In your mind, I think you just imagine something else, you have been waiting for so long. But I think Tom and I have always feel that he has ALWAYS been ours and now he is legally ours.
Life goes on, we still have the 3 other kiddos, life is still crazy busy. The 4 year old has been the most challenging one for me. As a parent you expect your kids to do certain things that you don't agree with but how else will they learn if they don't rebel a little. I was not expecting my 4 year old to hit his preschool teacher twice in the FACE. And every other day they tell you they don't love you and they don't want to live with you and they try to hit you. Yes I know that all kids say those things to their parents from time to time. But when a foster child says it, they mean it because they want their biological family back and who can blame them. Everyday I just have to pray that heavenly father gives me the love strength, understanding and knowledge for him.
The 2 year old little girl, well who doesn't love a little girl. She is a sweetheart, we are hoping that she will be severed soon from her family come April. All we can do is wait. There is a different from having a baby in the home since birth then receiving an older child. A newborn they only know you, so attachment just comes naturally, but an older it's a new day everyday, you start all over trying to attach and connect yourself to them. And sometime you have to back track a little in age appropriate things for the child, you have hold them like a baby because they didn't get that from their parents. I have to make sure each of the kids feel and know what attachment is so they can know how to be a healthy human being. And that means I neglect myself A LOT, I tell my husband sorry all the time for the way I look, good thing he comes home when it's dark hahahaha. (side note Tom loves and cares for me no matter what I look like.)
The 4 months old, he is a little happy guy as long as he has food and I keep him away from jack! (Jack is a jealous little boy)
This past 4 months has been one of the hardest times of my life, having 4 kids under the age of 4 is A LOT work. And we knew that when taking the 4th one but we prayed about it and knew it was what we were suppose to do. All I can do is my best, and start each day with a prayer.
I can't thank everyone enough for their love and support you give me, in person, FB and text. I learn so much through other all the time how to be a good mom. I especially can't thank enough for my family for their love and support. Those  momments where I have those break throughs, those are the reason I keep on doing what I do.
PS I claim not to be a writer, and I know my English sucks. I'm writing down my thoughts to read later.