I'm always talking to people explaining the foster system and helping people who are interested in fostering, I share a lot but the two pieces of advice I always make sure they understand is first, be easy going, and the second is prepare to share. You have to be easy going, the state will change things and things might not go your way in court for the kids and there is NOTHING you can do, and you have to accept it. If you dwell on it, your years as a foster parent will be short because you will always be angry and that is not healthy for the child or you. Not to say I don't get mad but I have to forget about it and remember to focus on the child and hope for the best next time. The kids are NOT yours and you are sharing with 5 other people and all 5 of those people have different opinions about the child and they may see the child once a month if that. It's hard but like I said you adjust and you have to be easy going.
Another thing that has been hard for me, is on average, I get a phone call from DCS (which used to be CPS), asking if I have room to take in another child, otherwise they go to a group home. I hear the worst stories about what happens to these poor children and there has been a couple of times after the phone call I have to go to my room and cry for these kiddos. It breaks my heart to say no, but I have no room and 4 kiddos under the age of 5 is already kicking my butt! You want to save them all but you have to take care of the ones you have first, it's a hard lesson to accept. Enough about me, lets talk about each of the kiddos.
The five year old boy, he is still in kindergarten and he is up to speed with his education. He is starting to read and spell out his own words and do math but his behavior is the WORST! I have said this before but I really didn't know you could get kicked out of class or sent to the principal's office in Kindergarten, but you can. His issues are doing what the teacher has asked, he wants to do what he wants and there is no talking him out of it. And then it explodes and that's when he is kicked out of the class because there is no reasoning with him to calm down. There is nothing to motivate him to try to make good decision, he can't get past the idea that he has to listen to another adult. On average I get a phone call from the school once, sometimes two times a week. He has had some good days and they have been consecutive but after two good days he likes to sabotage himself. It's too much pressure for him to have good days. We keep going on, we have some good days and we try to focus on the positive and hopefully he sees that positive attention is WAY better than negative attention. Some more sad news, the judge has ordered to expedite him to go home. Which sounds awesome to be reunited with his family but it isn't. The judge wants him back by April or at least super close. He will be reuniting with his Dad and I will be honest the dad is a walking mess. He has a temp job, and his hours are from 2 to 11pm, which means the dad will NEVER see his kid. The dad lives near his brother who also has an open case right now with DCS. The dad's father is abusive, the dad has a 8th grade education, so there will be no motivation for the 5 year old to do school, which he needs, I have to push him to do things now. The dad has NO positive support system and he has taken a psych evaluation and it came back saying "dad can parent but only if he has support system." I can go on forever, but it only breaks my heart for this kids future. I have expressed my concerns, so we'll see what 2016 brings for our 5 year old.
The little girl and her brother, the red head, finally something positive is happening for their case. I have been complaining about their behavior for so long. The judge has finally made an AMAZING decision for these kids, the court is finally looking out for the kids and not for the parents. They have suspended all visitation with biological family. It has caused so much heart break for these kiddos. A therapist has diagnosed both of them with PTSD. (post traumatic stress disorder) It's been super hard for them, they go to these visits and they start crying and tell them they don't want to be there, the red head can't take very good naps or sleep through the night because he is scared that Tom and I will leave him. The little girl is regressing is her mental behavior, she has a hard time getting her emotions together because she isn't able to cope with everything that is going on. She doesn't understand why she has to see her "mother" which she doesn't acknowledge her as her mom or her presence at all. If the mom does go near her, she starts yelling and crying, telling her to get away from me. And the little girl tells her biological mom that she wants to see me and be with me. I can't imagine what the biological mom is going through or feeling. But with their visits having been suspended is a good thing, cause it is REALLY hard to suspend them because first over all the parents have the rights, they need to be taken care of, but because this is becoming detrimental to the children, and it is already moving towards severance the judge felt it was appropriate. Some good things that could happen, after the next court date the biological mom's lawyer could convince the mom to stop contesting, because like I mentioned before it's really hard to stop visits and at that point if the visits have been stopped that means there is no point to fight, the judge has already made a decision. We could start the adoption process a lot sooner! But every judge is different and he could make us wait until April 18th and a lot depends on the mom's lawyer and if they want to convince the mom to stop fighting. Here is to hoping for good things for these kiddos.
We have a lot to look forward for in 2016, our family is changing, there will be some good changes and some negative changes but whatever comes our way it will bring us closer to each other and our Heavenly Father. Happy 2016 everyone!
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